Blogging 101

If you arrived at this line thinking this could be a tutorial to write blogs, you are way off the mark.

Getting down to business, I am on a company trip to US and it has been quite a journey thus far. So, I want my blog to be a sort-of inventory for all the happenings and thinking I have been doing during the trip. Also, there won’t be a lot of structured writing stuff here as I am pretty stuffed up with doing that at work (woohoo, yamak alankaar; 1st one to point it out will get a text message from me next time I update my blog).

Before I tell you all about how being at Times Square compared to being at Indulge in Gangtok or at Jazz in Mumbai, I must confess that I am saddened no end by India losing out once again in a World Cup. I must also confess that I liked IPL better than World Cup. I have never been a player’s fan kinda guy; I love them all from Sachin to Vikram Rathore, from Dravid to Harvinder Singh. I have always supported just the Indian team with a manic fervor and hope against hope kind of spirit (I have made deals with Hanumaan ji for saving Indian team too). So when IPL came along, I thought it’s high time to just watch games for the sake of good cricket. I mean, how often do you see the world’s best pitted against best and also sharing dugout with other “bests”.

This season though was completely spoiled by a Fantasy League I took part in and won by a whisker from the 2-time defending champion of my company. It made me sick to the guts to actually hope that Sachin shouldn’t complete his fifty as he was not in my team or that Ganguly should drop a catch. It made me realize how obsessive I can be and how extra-competitive I am; not that I hate being either.

On the contrary, it’s these two attributes which my friends have always associated me with. Anyway, I promised myself during the later stages of the tournament that I won’t be betting against anything which I like in future. This brings me to my weekend spent in New York. Gosh, it’s attractive with all those skyscrapers overlooking you from above, with that wonderful skyline, with the 43 second elevator to 65th level of Rockefeller Center, and with the Times Square. I was there at the time of the bomb scare which happened a fortnight ago and it looked so resplendent despite being so “bling”. After Mumbai at year-end, this is the 2nd city I have fallen in love in just one night. I have added a huge dream to my to-do list – work in one of the buildings on Wall Street some day/at least attend a meeting in those; should be a very unique kind of high being up there. A special mention for Dash is needed here for being an awesome host and tour guide – thanks man, it’s awesome to meet kgpians anywhere anytime.

I have some other ramblings too jostling with my typing hand to get impinged here but I will mention a couple of them here – One, the car that I took to VA beach last weekend with a colleague took me to a Naval base instead which is scary for both parties with all the mistrust regarding people from the subcontinent; Second, I am sick and tired of human stupidity. I will leave those of you who cannot follow a logical train of thoughts with just one line to chew upon (heard it recently from another colleague) – Man Up! (if you must, in this context it would mean – bheja nahi hai toh doob maro)!!

Diwali Eve

Is having a monotonous life bad, or at least, not good? I mean how many of you imagined that once you grow up, you will wake up at 11 AM, board a bus, get to your desk, play foosball, have lunch, do some MS Excel, again board bus, have dinner, watch some random videos on youtube, read all articles on cricinfo, read TOI and then go to sleep thinking – shit man, what am I doing! Wasn’t growing up supposed to be fun? Wasn’t living away from home, living alone supposed to be freedom in plain English? Wasn’t watching movies at multiplexes and drinking loads of alcohol on the weekends supposed to be cool? Wasn’t having a girlfriend a dream? And to top it all, I like my work.

Ok, maybe I am missing some point here. Let’s begin from top again. So, it’s my 6th straight Diwali away from home after 6 straight Rakhis away from my sisters and 1 full year away from my father. Maybe that’s the reason for all this self-pity. But, honestly, do you know where do I see myself in 3 or 30 years? I see myself doing the same chores. So, 3 cheers to that with another peg.
Life Enjoy Maadi!!

Kolkata Trip ’09 Part 1

It has been almost 8 months since my last post and my life has been as eventful as it could have been with its share of the ugly, the bad and the good. To summarize, I lost my Dad and got a job.

Moving on, I and my friends at Kharagpur decided to go to Kolkata for watching Dev D – the modern adaptation of Devdas by that revolutionary Anurag Kashyap of “No Smoking” fame. My group has been pretty fascinated by the Emosanal Atyachaar for the past month or so and was also unanimous in believing Abhay Deol to be a bankable star, i.e. for whom we can invest into a multiplex ticket. The planning started a long time back and given below is the way we went about it and finally came back all high despite being thoroughly dry.

Date: 15th December 2008 Time: 2:00 PM Place: Motijheel, Muzaffarpur, Bihar
Kisalay: Abe humlog bahut makhate hain, kgp me reh ke bas ek movie dekhe hain kol me.
I: Han to isme meri galti hai kya @#$****. Tumhi log hamesha busy rehte ho.
Kisalay: Tay raha, chal rahe hain har month tere antim sem me movie dekhne.
I: Done, dona, done goal.
Date: 15th January 2009 Time: 1:30 AM Place: gtalk chat window
I: Dev D aa raha hai 6 ko, luck by chance 30 ko aur dilli 6 20 ko.
Kisalay: Mera to GATE hai 8th ko. Uske baad jab bolo.(hamesha ki tarah ek aur ghatia bahana)
I: @#$ *****
Kisalay: arre baaki log se pucho na, hum to ready hi hain.
Date: 30th January 2009 Time: 11:10 AM Place: gtalk chat window
I: Yoo, luck by chance ka huhaa review dia hai. Chalo aaj kal me.
Rohan: haan. But aaj nahi jayenge. Kshitij jeetna hai [:P].
I: pilizzzzz (at my persuasive best/worst (depends on which end you are))
Rohan: achcha 14th ko chal sakte hain.
I: bhak, us din hum busy hain (tried to bluff)
Rohan: hum to bhai tay kar liye hain (ziddi as always)
Date: 9th February 2009 Time: 8:20 PM Place: Sup-Dup (I, Rohan and Sumeet are there every day at this time)
I: toh tay raha chalte hain agle weekend.
Sumeet: hum to ghar jayenge.
Rohan and I:abe plzz.
Tauseef: hum bhi chalenge.
Kisalay and I: tumko le jayenge bas, no package deal.
Tauseef: (blank)
Tauseef: (blank)
Janishar: paisa nahi hai mere paas.
I: LLR ke saamne ke kisi rickshaw wale se udhaar le lena [:D]
Date: 11th February 2009 Time: 8:30 PM Place: Tauseef’s Room
Kisalay: humko 14th ko Jam jana hai bhaiya ke yahan.
I: toh Friday ko chalo.
Kisalay: nahi bahut lectures hain us din.
I, Sumeet and Rohan: @#$ ******
Date: 14th February 2009 Time: 8:30 PM Place: Sup-Dup
Anurag, I, Janishar, Kisalay, Rohan and Sumeet : hum toh ready hain. Kal tay raha
Date: 15th February 2009 Time: 12:30 AM Place: Rohan’s Room
Tauseef: humara bhi ticket le lo.
Everyone: Yoooo.

After all this pleading, cajoling and debating, 7 of us decide to go. Now comes the twist. As we were browsing through the sites of Fame and Inox, we found that tickets of the 9:25 AM show are priced at Rs. 70 apiece. There was serious money involved as we discussed what all can be bought for the 100 rupees saved per head. 50 Samosas and 1/20th of a bicycle were proposed but what sealed the deal despite vigorous protests from Janishar (regarding waking up at 4 AM) was the promise of a bucket of chicken at KFC being priced only Rs. 90 for 5 breast pieces (You can’t argue with that, right?).

Tickets were booked using our own beloved Ganwaaron ka Sardaar मनीष कुमार’s MasterCard. And finally at 2:00 AM, we all went back to our rooms with taxi booked for 4:45 AM in front of Nehru. Alarms were set, promises to wake each other up were made and tempo kasams were flung around. But, my humane instincts took over when it finally showed 4:00 on the alarm as I switched it off and muttered, “What the heck!!! It’s just 70 bucks. My sleep is worth many times more.”

Part 2 will be posted before the next weekend ends.

Summit Apartments, Vadodra.

Something strange is bound to happen today.

I woke up in the morning with a buzz on gtalk. It’s my sixteenth birthday today. The piano tune coming from the apartment next door on left, the canoodling of the couple from the apartment in front of my window and the throaty voice of Jai abusing his wife from the apartment on right – well, all is same as any other day in this city has been. Hey, but what is this? I have a vague feeling something happened with me last night. What was it? Ummmm. Nopes, can’t recollect. Let me try some more. Still, same result. Zilch. What was it?

Ok, what can I do about it. So, I will now go and prepare my breakfast and lunch. Here I go. I know this is sounding like a running commentary but bear with me.

Wait, someone is knocking at my door. Why is it giving me shivers? Must be Avinash, his fridge breaks down way too often.

I have opened my fridge now and its’ not cold inside. Has mine gone awry too? Perhaps. The frozen pizzas are frozen and still it’s not feeling cold.

I have now turned on the oven and its’ not hot inside. Are my utilities planning a mutiny of some sort? Hold on guys, I will leave this place in a month. Have some patience. Let me try the microwave.

Wait, the knocking is growing heavy. Why am I sweating? But, of course – the cooler needs to be switched on.

I am still trying to recollect the night while the clock ticks on the microwave display. Another 75 seconds till the cheese melts. 60 more. Zilch again.

I have become a good cook on this trip of mine. Last night, I cooked……………. Shit, why am I stuck at this word?

Knocking continues. Go on lad, I don’t care. I have my pizzas to savor. Wow! Not the pizza, the rhyme of care and savor. I have become a good poet too. Last night, I wrote………….What did I write? Must be saved on my laptop, I can check later. It’s already 8, I must rush through all the daily banalities to catch my bus to my workplace.

Oh, fuck. This knocking must stop now. Let me open the gate and give this one a good lashing. I am now walking towards my gate. The alarm-clock starts to sing some crap. I had left it on snooze. Maybe. I will first attend to the barbarian at my gate. Oh, no. There is no barbarian at the gate, there are barbarians. Dozens of them. What do they want of me? Another question unanswered. What a waste of day. So many questions and no answers.

I have this gut feeling that the key to all answers is somewhere in the memories I cannot recollect.

I will first open the door. Once again the bloody knob. Its’ not coming out. Why are they coming inside, why can’t I stop them, what are they all staring at, what is there on the sofa?

No. This can’t be. Its’ me there. Colored in red. No, colored in blood. Murdered.

Now that I know that I am dead having seen my body as bodily evidence, I have all my memories in place. I came back last night as usual on the same local train with Jai, Avinash and Simran. After dinner, I went to bed with my favorite novel, the latest one in Harry Potter series.

And then…… wait, someone is knocking at my door. Why is it giving me shivers? I know the answer. 7 fortnights ago, similar knocking took everything from me. No, took is not the correct word, snapped everything from me. Everything was over in a flash. I tried to look through the window and remembered the futility of all this done in the same room by her, my mother.

Knocking continued. It hardly mattered anymore. I unlatched the knob with unsteady hands and twittering nails. It was them, once again. They had got this whiff that I remain, yes, a living being referred to as remainder. They sprang out a sheet. I didn’t bother to read and saw upwards. They sniggered thinking I was saying my prayers. I winked and soon my wink turned into a full-fledged laugh. What more can they do to me?

One bullet, then another, and another and then a few more.

I went down with a smile spread on my lips and a prayer to cure these mentally challenged bastards. And, in the list of patients, add those too who will kill them for the same hatred.

I was Aslam. Yes, I was.

Acknowledgements:

This is after around 10 months that I am writing on my blog. I guess I have laid low owing to several factors, my lethargy topping the list. The great bloggers around me, those who inspired me to blog (Vinayakzark and Sunny the Somani) and those who took to blogging very recently (the list has quite a few dear friends), come second on the list as I was perhaps scared of writing badly and they finding the proverbial and the poor black sheep. The disinterest my girlfriend shows in all things related to literature also played a part but mind you all, I was never short of ideas during the barren period. There were numerous train sojourns with the usual culprits Kisalay, Arpit and Sunny (different from The Sunny) and we fought like dogs with several Hippopotamuses. Then, there was this great internship saga which deserves to be told but I will keep it for now and then, several brain waves later, Here I am – once more.

Now, please get serious.

Anecdote:

There I was with a Muslim friend of mine. We had to go somewhere on a Scooty and needed some fuel for the same. As we were on our way back to the Scooty with the fuel, just out of curiosity and for poking fun, I asked him what if the security guy at the main gate hollers at you for carrying an inflammable inside the campus and accuses you of being a terrorist once he knows your name. The reply I got had me stunned into silence that day. He – the one who is known for his equanimity in all conditions, the one who is affable to the whole of my group for his cherubic smile, replied, “ Yaar, agar aise kisi ne kabhi kaha naa, to, I will turn into one”.

Post:

I am still dumbstruck by the firmness of his voice; the spontaneity of it still rings in me. I have thought about the enormity of it and have felt that we need to strike out the cause for such a response coming from an IIT undergraduate. I mean, if education does not lead to a rational way of thinking, we are in serious trouble. Something somewhere is wrong and so much so that we are taking too many clichés for granted. Sample these and see if you too are.

Muslim – Probability of him being a pro-Pakistan, pro-terrorist is approaching unity. He cheers for Shoaib Akhtar and occasionally for Irfan Pathan and Kaif.

Bihari – Creates nuisance everywhere, spits on the road, breaks rules, has poor English, has designs against the hands that feed him and is ready to fight anytime.

Bengali – Is a coward, is a communist.

Foreigners – Sexually promiscuous, get divorced at least once, are rich.

There are many more but I neither have time nor the tempo to enlist all of them.

Now, have not all of us met Muslims who are truly Indians, and Biharis with better civic sense than, say, a Non-Bihari? Why can’t we accept the simple fact that man is far too superior a creature to have his characteristics/behavior predicted by interpolation or extrapolation? Why can’t we give everyone a fair chance to show his/her evil side before castigating him/her? Why can’t we have the default status as innocent for everyone, be it a Muslim, a Bihari or …..?

What happens instead is that our tinted views irritate the person/community concerned to such an extent that subconsciously they start conforming to the stereotype. So, this blog is dedicated to all those with such tinted views with an appeal to give your heart a chance, think of the ignominy you will feel if subjected to the same kind of racial slur, think of the innocents who get killed in the riots and blasts, think of the color of blood and please give humanity a chance.

I feel the post has come to an abrupt end but I believe ramming the idea won’t help. I just wish that you all start giving others a chance to behave against the set notions that you have.

Hey……….
Here I am – this is me
There’s no where else on earth I’d rather be
Here I am – it’s just me and you
Tonight we make our dreams come true.

Mr. Bryan Adams, whosoever is your lyricist, say hello to him and give my sincerest thanks.

First the disclaimers-

1. I am not here to blog, I am here to take over the world. Yes, Vinter, you read it right-I have used your name again and taken inspiration from you too.

2. I am not here to make friends kyunki Pranesh ke dost ki sabse badi galti ye hai ki wo Pranesh ka dost hai.

3. I am not here for getting anonymous comments on my post. Hope you get the drift.

4. I am not here to counsel anyone about love nor am I here to narrate any stories.

5. I am not here to make a statement though precisely for this reason, I blog.

6. I am not here.

Now, the post-

A lot is happening around me and that too at a fast clip, too fast in fact. While Jhoom Barabar Jhoom jhooms and zooms around me, I am in a state of disarray. I am in Kharagpur. I am in my room #B114. I am in a whirlpool of emotions. I am in the midst of my project/training. I am in LLR Hall of Residence. I am in a state of distress. I am in a zone. Yes, I am disoriented.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not perfect. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about the recipe to be the perfect man whom the guys love and gals envy. Hehee, don’t get me wrong- I sway the right way, was just trying to tell you that this is Kalyug[:P].

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not good at academics anymore. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to get good grades and finally reached this conclusion-I can’t.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not artistic or creative. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to inculcate these and finally reached this conclusion-become articulate and confuse people.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am becoming obese. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to control this and finally reached this conclusion-don’t be happy.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am lazy. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become agile and finally reached this conclusion-keep fantasizing about being agile.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am not a good friend. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to be one and finally reached this conclusion-shoo them.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am short-tempered. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to control it and finally reached this conclusion-screw the world, i.e., take over the world and act cool about it.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am breakable. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become unbreakable and reached this conclusion-use plastics hereafter.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am a bad blogger. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about it and finally reached this conclusion-there are worse ones around, so keep blogging.

Disoriented because I know for a fact that I am always idle. So I thought and thought and kept on thinking about how to become busy and so I blogged.

Hey,
Here I am, this is me
Blogging to become a busy bee.

Thanks for your patience. Satyanarayan bhagwan ki katha samapt nahi hui hai, comment karke jaiyega.

P.S: All this was jotted down so that I remember what all I have to do to take over the world. Now, when my Ghoda comes to your rajya, do let him roam freely. After all, its’ by your blessings only that my ashvamedha yajna(yagya if you are weak in Hindi) will culminate in me taking over the world, i.e., my temper.

May his soul rest in shit!

Disclaimer: I am writing this as Pranesh Kumar Chaudhary. If some people get hurt in the process, they are most welcome.

All those who comment as anonymous will be doomed as the hero of this post is, i.e., their souls will rest in shit.

Ok this post is dedicated to all the naysayers and protestors by the Halla band. So lets’ hit it, come on!

Pointblank – this is the character, the hero, the freak who made me restless enough to blog on the last day of ‘another’ semester. For the lesser illuminated as I was till a few days back, this is the blog signature of one of the worst hypocrites KGP has ever seen. The freak (I am taking this liberty because magnanimous that he is, he must have got accustomed with being called names) publishes all the shit that is possible by his narrow mind in his publication and then gets up and has the guts to review others. The freak takes huge pride in the dramatics achievements and the unruly and cowardly behavior of his mates in the same breath. The freak believes he is blessed enough to see what the mere mortals can’t and those on the other side of the fence created by him can’t even see what is visible to everyone. The freak was the first one to bring out a finger from his nose and poke at the poltu and God culture of KGP and seems too stricken himself by the same ( Sincere plea: If you, Mr. Freak, are reading this please poke that finger of yours now in the socket of your UPS to spare the world). The freak is of the school of thought that believes we should be true enough to ourselves and perform ‘only’ dramatics in an Institute with technology as its core competence.

Now this Mr. Freak of ours started a newspaper presumably because the elites (title conferred by Intel Inside) running the media (Hoof!) were swayed by the western culture (proclaimed in the letter to editor section of their issue by another esteemed freak). Hey man, get a life! You publish pathetic poems with the government money and your fellows decry even the bhaat by others. The freak then selects a jumbo team of 50 in 5 selections and YES, Mr. Freak I have concrete info on how people were called up and begged to join the team. All this to publish one issue per semester. Naah, he had bigger ambitions, or let me put it in a better way – he had this whim of bada hoke kuch karenge (We’ll discuss this after a while). Coming back to his Hindi parody of everything in general and something in particular, he copies the very concept and then his fellows say that the bar graphs, invented in the field of Mathematics (Something fishy, did anyone say Department for field?) by them only got copied. The whole publication worked like the mouthpiece of his hall and Illu and Rangoli pics of winning teams were overlooked in favor of his deserving hall’s pics.

There is so much more that I can write but we have more burning topics like feticide, err, Festicide. Yes, my sincere plea to all the KGPians reading this is to develop festicides which when applied to this freak will cure his inferiority complex. It is the very Junta which puts the core team members and heads on a pedestal and not the other way wherein the selected ones go around begging for attention as this freak did. He wanted us all to believe that organizing a fest is easy. Well, it might be but not for a suave copycat like our freak. He once again copied, this time, one of the main attractions and success of the fests and presented the most haphazard version of a fest. Mr. Intel Nowhere or Mr. Pentium 0, read this carefully if you do read it ever – the fest was a failure on all accounts and least because of slothfulness of Junta. The effort put in was pathetic, the arrangements higgledy-piggledy (Vinter, happy?) and the faces of the members and heads during the fest piteous. I won’t go into what all I have heard but Mr. Freak, the fact that the participants were called up to increase the participation from, hold your breath, 0 and one of the main sponsors abused all of your team in public wasn’t the status message of Manoj. Taking snaps from angles which show that sizeable crowd did turn out and boasting the outstation participation to be more than other fests in their formative years isn’t enough. For your information, Ankur had about four times the number of outstation participants in its one and only attempt. I must make it clear here that I have nothing against the fest but my freak needs festicides.

Now the small matter of his hall commitments and the happenings inside one’s hall. Let me tell you all with again Vinter and Manoj as witnesses that its’ not a rumor but yes, the inmates 🙂 of your hall who were eye witnesses to all this were the source of the ‘shaking of all kinds of parts of anatomy’.

I know that Mr. Freak, magnanimous that he is, and another magnanimous personality, who people proclaim was the one smacked by the shaking, have reached a point of no return. So, another and the last plea of this post: please ensure that they read this post and see the review of themselves by me. There is always this chance of our Mr. freak poking his fingers in you-know-where after reading this.

Hence, I sincerely believe that Mr. Freak won’t find place even in hell or shit.

That day has arrived. Yes, the realization struck me just 11.01 seconds back. Now I know that I too have it. As my friends have always believed, I possess the knack of blogging. I just felt something knocking inside and that knocking wasn’t by Vinter who wants me to utilize my huge time-base in creative things which he believes I might be good at. So, today, err tonight with sun, moon, me, my love and Manoj as the witnesses, I take the oath to update my blog regularly and that means putting up new posts not anything else(Bafna, please take note). Actually, the point is not what an arbit person means by updating the blog, it is the IUPAC mening of updating a blog which matters.

Now, let me make all of you familiar with my present state of mind. I am a B.tech, 4th semester student in Ghasi department here in KGP. My CG is just below my navel and refuses to go upwards despite the bulge in my upper limbs. I have three class tests lined up in next 31 hrs. and believe me, I am destined to get zero in all three. I am very desperate to have an internship in the coming summers and there is no chance I will get one. I have not been home for more than 100 days which is a record for someone like me who made 6 trips from Trichy to Muzffarpur in Bihar in just 1 year. I have a low attendance in Economics and have a class at 9.30 tomorrow. I am listening to some of the worst Hindi classical songs. I had a very uplifting and demeaning chat with one of the esteemed seniors(not anymore though, sorry to all who understand and have taken pains to read till now) in evening who questions every answer I have and also other things which I am used to considering as my only strengths. Worse, I want to update this blog and worse still, I had a great bhaat chat session courtesy Gtalk with Jhamlaal Budhwa(for the lesser illuminated, he is Rohan Singh-http://www.orkut.com/Profile.aspx?uid=1799341354496561605).

Here it goes::
Rohan:
padh rahe ho?

Pranesh:
nahi

Rohan:
to???

Pranesh:
vin se chat kar rahe hain

Rohan:

k…
lage raho….

waise main bhi tab se nahi padha…

Pranesh:

Sent at 1:24 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
padhna shuru kiya?

Pranesh:
naa
kisalay se chat kar rahe hain

Rohan:
wah…

Sent at 2:14 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
mera kon sa no hai…

Pranesh:
last

Rohan:

waise padhne waale ho kya kuchh?

Pranesh:
haan

Rohan:
sahiiiiii………

Sent at 2:15 AM on Tuesday

Pranesh:
bolo saale
tumhara no. aa gaya

Rohan:
arre baap re…
aho bhajna humare…

Pranesh:
ab ka hua?

Rohan:
jo aap chat karne padhare…

Pranesh:

Rohan:
waise jaake padh lo l@#$%…

Pranesh:
ab chalo padhai shuru karen
waise
mera parson yani wednesday ko bhi 2 test hai
muhahahaha
isliye jaachi sute
good nite

Sent at 2:26 AM on Tuesday

Rohan:
waise ye bata ki tumko neend kitne der mein aane waali hai…

Pranesh:
kuch keh nahi sakte

Rohan:
saala tumne mere haath se baat chhen liya/…

Pranesh:
kitab leke baithe to abhi turant
nahi to subah
muhaha

Rohan:
saale sudhar ja…
yaad karo… mcea etc etc…

Pranesh:
sudharing is the process of change
n ny change is encountered by the unwillingness to change
so it ll take time to cahnge
*change
as change is not spontaneous

Rohan:
the unwillingness or urself???
change is spontaneous…

Pranesh:
unwillingness=me, myself

Rohan:
oooooo………

Pranesh:
everything is constant
except change

Rohan:
hat….

Pranesh:
gaab funda
gazab

Rohan:
everything changes…

Pranesh:
no, everything is constant except change
change changes
nothing else

Rohan:
so if change changes then all other things also change…
hence everything changes…

Pranesh:
ya, but thts the beauty of chaange
though everything is constant, jus coz of the hange in change, everything changes
*xchange
*change

Rohan:
this is like… x is a variable…
or x= a+ a variable…

Pranesh:
no no, dont bring maths in philosophy of life

Rohan:
a=const

Pranesh:
x is never a variable, its’ always the 24th alphabet in philosophy

Rohan:
arre this will simplify ur thought process…

Pranesh:
so chnage changes
*change
constant constant

Rohan:
bhak…

Pranesh:
this follows 4m the murphy-green law

Rohan:
bas yahi na buri aadat hai…

Pranesh:
that that is is

Rohan:
chillane lagte ho…

Pranesh:
jo jo hota hai wahi hota hai

Rohan:
ye kya hai???
light girao…

Pranesh:
dekho
dikha?

Rohan:
nah…

Pranesh:
achcha ab dekho

Rohan:
achchha se…

Pranesh:
dikha?

Rohan:

Pranesh:
ek baar fir :dekho
dikha?

Rohan:

Pranesh:
finally dikh gaya

Rohan:
nah….

Pranesh:
dekhe dekhna dekhna hi hota hai
theek usi tarah jaise patel patel hai
sumeet sumeet
loha loha
waise hi dekhna dekhna hota hai
aur jo jo hota hai wahi hota hai
ab dikha?

Rohan:
k/….
haan

Pranesh:
jai dikhna

Rohan:

Pranesh:

Rohan:
veeru…

Pranesh:

maza aa gaya bhaat me
ab chalo padho

Rohan:
main nahi padh raha…
main ab subah padhunga…

Pranesh:
hehee, main bhi nahi

Rohan:

Pranesh:
par padhne ka dhong to karo

Rohan:
k…
:ghonting

Pranesh:

Rohan:
jai padhai…

ab bai…

Pranesh:
ata
*atat

Meanwhile, I had another buzz from another of the esteemed seniors.
Here are the excerpts(which were bloggable after censoring)

Suvrat:
padh le sale

Suvrat Bafna is busy.

Suvrat:
Job nahi lagti ghaasi mein, pata hai naa

Pranesh:
koi fayeda nahi

Suvrat:
abhi tak bahuton ki nahi lagi hai

Pranesh:
waise aapko kaise pata ki hum nahi padh rahe

Suvrat:
jinhone padhai ki unki lag gayi hai
i assumed you must be on phone

Pranesh:
waah, hum bada hoke padhne wale banenge
heheee

Suvrat:
bada hoke?
abhi kya chota sa ho?

Pranesh:
abhi bahut bada hona hai
aur kya

Suvrat:
koi nahi, PhD karna phir, pane saaer prof yahi kiye hain
apne saare*

Pranesh:

Suvrat:
kyun ballab jala riya hai
XXY(name with-held for security purposes) ke under project kar riya hai ki nahi?

Pranesh:
idea aaya bada hone ka
kar rahe hain

Suvrat:
badhiya hai
tum apni virginity loose karne waale ho vats

Pranesh:
baby doll ka naya album niklega usme kaam karenge
wot makes u think i m virgin

Suvrat:
chehre se pata chal jata hai

Pranesh:
ooho

Suvrat:
unless you mean you’ve done it with a boy

Pranesh:
saala, chehra phir dhoka de diya

Suvrat:
agar nahi, toh congrats
mubarak ho

Pranesh:
aaj tak bas mess me nuksaan hota tha

Suvrat:
XXY bahut satisfy hone waali hai
tera toh Ex pakka

Pranesh:
muhahahaha

Suvrat:
and huhau reco bhi

Pranesh:
subject hai hi nahi koi , ex kisme le len

Suvrat:
arey uska bahut pauuwa hai
specially agar tere XXX(again, for security purposes) ko bolegi toh wo oh laga hi dega naa

Pranesh:
waise agle 33 ghante me mere 3 tests hain aur humko sabme 0 aane ki bhavisyawani hui hai

Suvrat:
hmm
koi nahi, magne e bhi kuch nahi hoga

Pranesh:
ab moksha prapt ho gaya hai humko
padho na pdho grades barabar aate hain
jaise ki D aur P
aaur

Suvrat:
hehe

Now, the point I raised about my face giving me dhokha is explained below:-
In the 1st year, I was in MMM hall with Chinmaya, Tauseef, Tejas and Janishar as my mess-mates, i.e, with them, I used to go to mess. What used to happen whenever I wanted a second helping of anything was a constant(Rohan, I told you naa). Everytime, I was rebuffed by the mess staff while all my mates got any number of helpings they wanted. Now, but for Janishar(sorry dude), everyone looks decently handsome in that group of mine. So after a nightlong deliberation(exaggeration at its worst) Chinmaya concluded that its’ nothing but my thobra aur face which fails me at that crucial time when I beg for that little extra.
So, here is my emotional plea to all of you who have read this nonsensical crap, never go by the face for it is not my fault or for that matter, nobody’s fault that I have mirror-cracking looks. Yeah, can’t help it. I just am damn good looking.

Now you people are craving for a conclusion. Here, it is—never go by face value and also, never question my strengths ‘coz by strength, I mean strength by the Murphy-Green law.

Adieu.

P.S: If you have read this and are in no mood to comment, you suck and are increasing my maladies.

Since I don’t have enough tempo to write something new but wanted to update my blog badly, here is my article which was published in K-Speak, 06.

KGP Decoded!

Cut to 2020…………………..

KGP welcomes Robert Langdon, great symbolgist and cryptographer from Harvard University.

Our K-Speak team had the privilege to share a few moments with the phenomenon himself. Here are the excerpts:

K-Speak (KS):-Welcome Prof. How was the flight?

Robert Langdon (RL) (shrugging shoulders):-Lets’ not waste time in formalities. By the way, ask how the flight attendant was. You guys really have your fundas in place. That lass who escorted me right from Harvard to your Tech. Guest House is a damsel. Man, is she ravishing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KS (with a little chuckle):-Actually, she is from VGSOM.

RL:-She is definitely the epitome, the symbol of Indian beauty.

KS:-Talking about symbols, which sign or cryption struck you first in KGP?

RL:-Ummmm……. (Stretches arms)Well, the platform-its length is 1072 meters. If you sum up the digits you get 10 which gives 1 on summation again, i.e., IIT-KGP is 1^st among equals.

KS:-Great! Dwell more on the symbols in the campus.

RL:-Okay, see… the incline you have in the road leading to the institute ……….its at an angle 13degrees 13 minutes and at this angle between the sun and the moon, the Earth is half covered by sunlight. This means that the rest of the world basks in the glorious light of the IITians.

KS (getting excited):- Is it?

RL:-Yeah! Now the automated level crossing .In the erstwhile Roman Empire when the gladiators couldn’t decide who is the best they were made to stand before a similar crossing. It used to swing open for the ultimate warrior just as it did here for our vehicle which had a master card holder in that pretty woman (Gosh!!).

KS:-Junta would definitely like to know more.

RL:-Okay. The institute is on the left side of the main road and we all know for vertical thinking, i.e., technical tickling we use the left side of our brain.

KS:-Superb!

RL:-The width to height ratio of your institute building is THE DIVINE RATIO.

KS:-Oh God!

RL:-The painting on the wall adjacent to the entrance of The Architecture Department is of THE VITRUVIAN MAN by Leonardo da Vinci.

KS (dazed by now):-How do you decode all this?

RL:-See, it’s not Rocket Science. It involves two basic principles, those of Observing and correlating it with whatever knowledge you have acquired from others’ past studies.

KS:-How can one start off?

RL:-Patience man! Start with simple things and look for the lateral angles in those. Like, the 2.2 km elliptical track you have .Your Gymkhana is at its focus which controls all the activities in the campus just like the sun in the solar system. On a lighter note, the girls’ hall is at the second focus (laughs heartily)!

KS:-What about TOAT?
RL:-Well, the diameter of the TOAT is exactly the same as the dimension of Noah’s Ark, the refuge of all creatures during the great deluge of the Christian Mythology.

Similarly, you guys give vent to your feelings, both frustration and zeal, in TOAT during fests and seek refuge from acads.

KS:-Genius! Sir, we are in fact really grateful to you for decoding our KGP for us!

RL:-Well, anything for that damsel!!

I am about to update my blog iff i win over the laziness and drowsiness which is after me lets me to.Haan to hua ye ki i have had some experiences(don’t know whether they were good or bad or comical or greenical) in train sojourns in last twenty days which i wanted to share with my frenz but given the high number of my frenz and my low enthu to narrate it time and again and the pestering by Vinter i m writing them all here….

It was a sunny afternoon as myself,Sunny,Bhachechhh and Arpit and “manoj” boarded coach no. S6 of Mithila Express from the hinterlands of Bihar to come back to the insti.After some ‘chaotic’ conversations we were told that we are in fact in S3.This was the proverbial first and last nail for our peaceful journey plans.When we somehow reached S6, it looked like it had as many people as anyone can ever see with one eye or for that matter more than one too.Our berths were already occupied with elan.As is usual with me,i attained a combative mode and virtually threw everybody from ‘their’ seats,the confidence of having Papa,Ma,Uncle,Aunty and all the umpteen relatives of all four of us on the platform serving as Cannabis.Finally ,the train started and stuttered and stopped and again started and ….

After a lot of evasedropping we finally got the reason for this Bheed–a Railway Naukri exam-sarkaari naukri,Ka baat hai !!!Every compartment was jam-packed and the fact that at every station,number of people departing was more than those inside it made no difference to the inhumane conditions inside.With obvious disrespect intended,i have always believed that these sarkari staff are useless and do minus W work.And they talk a lot and all of it will be damn crap,worse than what Buzla and Bhachechh can imagine together.So,following are the nuggets of their “speeches” :-

In fact,they had some cool fundae of life and those are :
1. Jindagi me har jagah rona hai-padhai me,naukri me,shaadi me,har jagah..kahen to,Jindagi ka pehla station hai rona..(Bhachechh uwach–Dusra station -Samastipur)..

2.Sone ka maza to upare ke berth me aata hai.

3.(bahut der tak koi kuch nahi bola tha).

4.Fast passenger ka kya (dur)gati hota hai !(Bhachechh uwach–18 mile prati ghanta)..

5.Eis train me to reservation hona hi nahi chahiye(kyon bhai ?)

6.Abhi garam khun hai,bhent nahi hua hai abhi ..(When we refused to compromise despite repeated requests and orders).

7.Reservation 10 baje ke baad lagu hota hai (kahe bhai ?)

8.IITians se achcha ta police wala hai,kam-se-kam des ma to ra-ha hai.

9.etc ka spelling bataiye(agar angrezi aati hai to).

10.Anya fundae..

There is another snippet which happened while i was on way to meeting my (would-be)better
half.While on way to KGP Junction,I thought I should get some chocolates for her and splurged about hundred and sixty bucks for that.Now as the train started, i started feeling lusty.After a lot of humpty-dumpty thoughts,I agreed with the logic my mind had just arrived upon,i.e.,the chocolates would melt on way.So,I took them out and had a real feast….
Sometimes lust does win over love..Can’t help it Baby….